C O N F E S S I O N S

holy shit, now i've gone and done it! // 5.24.2007

Yes, Aurelia has gone and completely flipped her lid. She has gone and done the unthinkable. Aurelia has settled down and become a wife!

No I'm not kidding around. Let's backtrack. I had been going to my therapy sessions every other day like a good little girl. I even went into this weird (beyond weird) group therapy which took place in a fortress type building somewhere in the middle of nowhere. No, I'm not kidding. I had solitary and group therapy. I was there for two weeks (was supposed to be a month but wasn't). The group therapy was to work on my self esteem and get out all of my issues. The solitary therapy was for sex =) It was basically an advanced form of tantric sex to work on my control. Completely awesome by the way (once it was over anyway). The actual learning is fucking horrible, but it pays off in the end. Those supposedly closest to me thought I was lying. But I wasn't. 100% fucking true.

Anyway, so after my therapy had ended, I started seeing Patrick again. But just for talks. Not actual sessions. He was a great help to me. I had one really bad night soon after the intense therapy where I got drunk and called him. He looked up my address (on my file) and came over to sober me up. That night I told him every sad horrible fact about me. Every tiny detail. I didn't spare him anything. I've never been so honest in my life. I finally passed out after crying on his shoulder and he put me to sleep. When I woke up the next day, he was still there watching over me. We were silent for a few minutes as I recalled what I had told him. Just as I started to get really embarassed, he sat next to me and said that he had never known someone as strong or as brave as I was. I was dumbfounded. I used to believe I was strong. But in the last couple years I had started to believe that I was weak. And this man, this brillant and truly strong man was telling me that I was strong. Coming from him, I believed it. He has been through hell in back. The only reason I know is because he let me read the manuscript that he's been working on for an autobiography.

So after my tell all confession, we actually became friends. It was a wonderful experience having a friend. And he didn't judge me at all. We started seeing each other every night. Then all of a sudden he asked me if I would marry him! He asked me on May 18th. I accepted and on May 20th, Patrick and I married in a quiet ceremony in Lake Tahoe. It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

I'm not sure why I said yes so quickly. This sounds horrible but I am not completely in love. I love things about him. I know he feels the same. We don't know each other enough to actually be in love. But even if we aren't in love, the way we feel together and around each other, is amazing. He loves the very things that most people hate about me. My wildness, my naughty ideas and experiences. He has already said that he'd accept an open marriage if I still wanted to sleep around, but at this time, I don't. Maybe in time I'll introduce him to some of my wild ways. But not all.

So yes, I am now a married woman. But don't worry. I'll still be posting all my dirty thoughts and feelings =) I can't just leave you guys hanging! Plus, let's face it. I'm such a little whore!

confessed aurelia @ 1:15 AM